1.5 Developing Strategies |
Strategies to Promote Positive Forces
From the preceding table:
- For each character that you identify as a positive force, make
a list of the contributions associated with that individual.
- Generate alone or with a confidant a list of suggestions for
increasing these positive contributions.
- In a realistic and timely fashion, act on one suggestion at
a time until your agreements list is exhausted.
Why am I doing This?
- To maximize the assistance that is being received.
- To acknowledge and reward the positive forces that contribute
to your role.
- To possibly extend the quantity or quality of help from people
who have a track record of assisting.
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Strategies to Motivate Neutral Forces
- For the characters that you identify as neutral forces, make
a list of their actual assistance.
- Generate a "wish list" of responsibilities that seem
appropriate to the individual's ability/character and are needed
in order for you to continue in the role of caregiver. In this
case, it is advisable to assume more responsibilities than less,
anticipating a process of compromise between you and your family
member.
- Decide on a time to telephone or preferably meet with your
neutral forces. First, acknowledge their contributions and then
request their specific further assistance. A face-to-face encounter,
perhaps over lunch, will enhance the likelihood of a favorable
response.
- Come to this meeting prepared with a written list of requests
to underscore the seriousness of the matter. Ask for members to
initial the tasks that they are willing to assume.
- Occasionally but surely follow-up with positive strokes (telephone
calls, notes, thank you cards, etc.) to reinforce the behaviors
that have made your job a little easier. Likewise, if necessary,
remind members of their agreements.
Why am I doing This?
- To increase assistance by gratefully acknowledging what is being
done.
- To win the psychological and physical commitment of more family
members. The greatest potential for increasing outside assistance
will undoubtedly come from those members who have not demonstrated
positive roles and not working against you. As in an election,
the undecided vote is often responsible for determining the fate
of an issue or candidate. This strategy will help you advocate
on your own behalf.
- To clarify where members stand on the issue of assistance.
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Strategies to Overcome Negative Forces
- For each character that you identify as a negative force, make
a list of your problems with them related to the caregiving issue.
Do not include non-related issues or personality conflicts in
this list.
- Generate by yourself or with a confidant a list of strategies
for minimizing these problem areas.
- Call for a meeting or talk by telephone to discuss your perceptions
of their role and its impact. Allow a chance for the member to
respond by discussing his perception of his role and its impact.
- Suggest a compromise, thereby allowing each side to come out
a winner. It is important not to antagonize a potential helper,
particularly if the member is occupying a power role such as consultant
or financial advisor.
- It may be advantageous to solicit the mediation of the ambassador
or comforter if you have reason to believe a conflict is inevitable.
In the event that there is no available third party, a professional
from the social service network might be contacted.
- If, after your best efforts have been exhausted, you cannot
reach a compromise, commit your grievances to writing with copies
sent to members of the family. This strategy is called "matter
of record" and will serve to put the family on notice with
regard to your feelings and efforts in your role as caregiver.
If nothing else, this practice may provide a productive means
to manage stress and may also be necessary documentation in the
face of any future legal differences.
Why am I doing This?
- To make every reasonable effort at problem solving and compromise
and to keep the family system intact for as long as possible.
- To clarify exactly where the negative forces are coming from
and document the nature of the problem.
- To focus control on the individual who is orchestrating the
core plan: the caregiver.
- To demonstrate that the family is beginning to work together
and that those who do not cooperate will be served notice accordingly.
- To cut the losses so that energy is not wasted on dysfunctional
behavior of members.
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