HSPA Language Arts Tutorial Cluster 3: Revising & Editing

Sample 4 - Writing Sample Scoring "1"

The following  writing sample for the Revise/Edit prompt scored a "1" based on the Revising/Editing Scoring Rubric.  

Scorers made the following comments about the sample below:

This sample shows an effort at correcting verb tense, but it is inconsistent. There is some use of vivid language, but it also is inconsistent. The editor's comments also suggest addition of sentences or language that would add repetition. Details that detract from the overall meaning of the essay were not omitted.