HSPA Language Arts Tutorial Cluster 3: Revising & Editing

Sample 5 - Writing Sample Scoring "2"

The following  writing sample for the Revise/Edit prompt scored a "2" based on the Revising/Editing Scoring Rubric.  

Scorers made the following comments about the sample below:

This sample shows an inconsistent application of mechanics- several errors are caught in some places but missed in others. There is some control of syntax shown, but overall, there is not an indication of mastery. Sentence structure shows very little variety or sophistication. Vivid language is suggested to aid and develop details, and the conclusion suggested adds to the completeness of the essay.