Deployment and Separations

Homecomings

WHAT SPOUSES AT HOME SHOULD REMEMBER
1. Remember that your spouse has been subjected to a daily regimentation and routine. Schedules and preplanned events may not be a good idea upon return. Leave some room for spontaneity.
2. Your spouse may have trouble sleeping for awhile due to a routine change in field life, the presence of other people in a barracks or from a time zone change.
3. Don’t be defensive about the way you’ve handled the children. Discuss any criticisms calmly.
4. It could take time to re-establish sexual intimacy.
5. Your spouse may want to celebrate his or her return with a spending spree. If you can’t afford it, hold tight to the purse strings. The urge to spend will pass.
6. Don’t grill your spouse about real or imagined affairs. Don’t go through his or her belongings looking for clues. Swallow your curiosity.
7. Your spouse may be surprised or hurt that you’ve coped so well alone. Reassure them that they are needed, without giving up you independence. Expect them to be different. Think how much you have changed. So have they. Don’t worry things will get back to normal after a short time.

WHAT RETURNING SPOUSES SHOULD REMEMBER
1. Don’t disturb a family setup that has been working well without you. Ease back into the system gradually. Enjoy being an honored guest for awhile.
2. Take it easy on the children, especially where discipline is concerned. It’s best for children to have a constant routine, so let the house rules stand.
3. Don’t try to alter the financial affairs. Chances are, your spouse has been handling them fine.
4. Your spouse may be a little envious of your travels, so go easy on the descriptions of your location.
5. If your sexual relationship is awkward between you at first, talk it over. Don’t grill your spouse about infidelity. Whatever you’ve imagined while you were gone, is serves on purpose to bring it up.

Your spouse may appear to be different. He or she is a more confident and independent person. The face that he or she can cope without you doesn't mean they want to. Expect that it will take about six weeks to adjust to each other again. If you're not getting along well by the end of six weeks, counseling might help.